The New Challenge

It has been four years since I posted the original Checkmate blog. During the last several months, I've thought a lot about that blog and how I felt at the time. More recently, I have spoken with several people who encountered a post Checkmate depressive state... a "what now?" conundrum. As I considered the concept of enjoying each achievement without  bounding forward to the next goal too quickly, it didn't occur to me that, eventually, there comes a time when all the goals seem to be met. We spent our twenties at a full sprint, and then the mid-thirties hit-- or you can fill in the appropriate age-- where all the battles are won, all the boxes checked, and it's time to "enjoy" life. Except, there's one problem: how can you enjoy life without goals? I guess some people can, but I have listened to many  people who feel more lost then anything else. Setting new goals seems futile because these new goals will never measure up to our objectives early on. How can "saving for a great retirement" compare with finishing college, graduate school, finding a spouse, or starting a family? How can "paying off all the college debt" compare with buying your first house? Now you've got the wife and the kids and the house, weekends at the soccer field, and the honorable discharge from the military, and you lay in bed at night feeling lost and empty. Because, for some people, "maintenance mode" just doesn't cut it. 

 

New goals: sometimes the most challenging goal is to figure out how to really matter in your world. I mean, REALLY matter. How many people wake up each morning and ask themselves, "What is my purpose for today?" I read about a woman who woke up one morning around the age of 40, and realized that her life was supposed to mean a lot more than raising a family. She became a world class body builder and fitness expert. That had to take some SERIOUS soul searching and commitment. I mean, how does someone even come up with that?

 

Sometimes finding purpose is as fundamental as staring your weaknesses or shortcomings - physical or psychological - in the face, and beginning the trek uphill to right those wrongs. As far as I can tell, those challenges far exceed the ones we face earlier in life. You face these new challenges alone, without an entire generation of people supporting you because they have common goals. The ones who are committed to becoming better and better, and fixing whatever became broken during the years of growing up, are few and far between.

 

Facing the issues-- bad health, a broken marriage, financial folly, personal imbalance, lack of fulfillment, lack of meaningful contribution to your world-- is probably the hardest thing a person can do, right behind raising children. However, behind raising children, I believe it to be the most worthy challenge you will ever accept. 

The Other Side of Visibility

For the last few years, I believed that what I wanted was to experience complete visibility in my relationships.To feel completely visible was my end goal, and I was certain that if I did not have this, my relationships would all remain surface level, lacking in depth and substance.
Only recently did I realize that this idea was too simplistic. Visibility is required to an extent, but beyond that is also the need for mystery, or rather, the respect of mystery. Acknowledgement that our souls are oceans, with depths and corners unknown even to us. The corners have their own life, their own darkness, their own tides and currents. Not only are they not completely visible to us, they may never be visible to anyone else. These corners are discovered by us little by little- some in moments of supreme joy, and many during storms of deep sorrow.

In addition to craving a level of visibility, to the extent of knowing that the people we love see us, and we see them, is the need for our inner circle to respect and embrace our mysteries.

The truth of us, the prism that colors our beings, is too multi faceted to be completely visible to everyone. Just as important as me seeing you is my respect for your darkness- the things that belong to only you (and your god). It is a trust of your mysteries and a dedication to protecting them. I guess I am realizing that part of Visibility, and the love that comes along with desiring to truly see someone else, comes the other aspect, which is protecting the silent place where everyone goes from time to time to either grow or fight demons or rest or explore. It is reading body language and knowing when silence is required; or trusting enough not to ask questions that will overexpose or cheapen another; it is being a warrior without requiring an explanation; or burying a secret and never making mention of it again; protection of the unknown.

True visibility, to me, is not only seeing the people in our lives for who and what they are, and respecting that, but also a level of trust and respect for the isolation that deeper souls require to encounter and experience their own beautiful depths and phases.

Divine Appointments

My meditation and readings this week led me to thoughts of people in my life who have had some tremendous impact on who I am as a person today. As I listed them in my journal, I was able to pinpoint their exact roles, and I knew intuitively why I met them when I did. Some are still in my life as close friends, and others have either drifted away or died. But I can think about them, and know, "Oh, after I met her, I realized how arrogant I truly am"; or, "After I met him, I learned that I crave Community more than I ever knew," and the list goes on. 

After going back through some old notes I had from Thomas Moore's Care of the Soul, and considering what he wrote about the eternity of the soul, I have come to the belief that the names of these people were written on my heart long before I took my first breath. They were destined for me, and I for them, before the dawn of time. Our souls were knitted together for a specific purpose, and the moment we met, fate had been fulfilled.   

My awakening only serves to further intensify the impact these people and events have had. They are like different phases in the beautiful- and sometimes painful- alchemy that has transformed me throughout the years. Even the heartbreak and sorrows, and those who caused them, were instrumental in the evolution of my Self and the ultimate painting of my canvas. 

If you sat down and noted the people who have helped create who you are today, I think you would be amazed at how well choreographed these meetings of "coincidence" really were. And in the end, you might realize, as I did, a refreshing reality:

We have the ability, and possible destiny, to love, and to be loved, by everyone we meet.