Throughout my 14 years as a mother, I have been
repeatedly amazed at how easily Motherhood becomes a beautiful and amazing
identity on its own. It has this incredible power to bring out the very best in
women, giving them these deep oceans of love they would never otherwise have
known could be experienced. It's difficult to find the words to describe all
the beauty and love that envelops a woman when she has children. In addition to
all the wonder that Motherhood brings to women's lives,
there's another side, however. It's the silent, "say nothing"
side. Once a woman has children, her eyes are opened to all these wonders
and most women are ill-prepared for the other side of that coin. All
the love, devotion, and complete dedication to her children
eventually put Mom in the shadows. Motherhood has this ability
to completely take over and essentially erase everything she was before the
little one(s) arrived. I have felt compelled to write about this side
because I see it happen all the time and no one talks about it! It’s
taboo for a woman to admit she might miss certain aspects of herself that are
long gone since she became a mom. I think all moms need to be reminded that,
although being Mom is ONE of your callings, it is not the ONLY calling on
your life. It is not your only talent, your only love, your only offering to
the universe.
Remember your passion for painting or running or
writing? What about your love of sunsets, poetry, great books or movies, or
live music? What about your silliness, love for beer, wine, good whiskey, or
baking? These talents, hobbies, and fascinations do not need to conform to the
confines of Motherhood, where they can only be enjoyed in such a way that they
compliment your role as a mother. Actually, I believe they need to continue to
be their own beautiful and amazing beings within you. They are lives of their
own. Sure, your talents and hobbies can be used to benefit your family, but I
am a firm believer in developing and indulging these facets of ourselves
outside our roles as mothers and/or wives.
Making the time whenever possible to reconnect
with yourself does not make you a bad mother. It makes you an incredible
mother. It recenters and refocuses you in ways that nothing else can because it
brings you back to who you are and the Self you have known most intimately your
entire life. It causes you to reflect and develop in important ways that your
role as a mother could never challenge. One of the most important things that
maintaining your Pre-Mom passions does is allow you to remain visible to
yourself.
Women who become invisible to themselves are much
more likely to become invisible to others--namely their partners. If you can’t
see you, how can your partner? If you are lost in the eternal loop of eat,
sleep, care for children, repeat, how do you think that will effect your
partner and, ultimately, your children? But, I digress and need to refocus: how
will the Mommy Loop effect you? How does it effect you? When is the last time
you felt truly accomplished? When is the last time you felt your passion like
fire and it caused your heart to pound with anticipation? When is the last time
you set yourself apart from one role and stepped into another? When is the last
time you went to bed at night feeling and seeing the full beauty of your
soul?
Full-time focus on children and family is insufficient to sustain the deep heart of a woman. We need more. The reason is because we are MORE than mothers. We are more than wives.
We are friends, artists, atheletes, musicians,
dancers, singers, creators, daughters, professionals, and dreamers. We are
talent, love, empathy, listening ears, hilarious jokesters, and brilliant
problem solvers. All these compartments of our souls contribute to our roles as
mothers and partners. They bring color to a world where all our roles converge,
and are used to enhance the lives of our families. If you are not setting aside
time to remain visible, to develop and adore and challenge yourself, your
family is missing out. Then one day when your little ones fly away, you will be
left looking in their mirror and wondering who the woman staring back is.
My mother once told me that I was like a prism, full
of colors and lights and angles. I never forgot that, and I’ve used it to
refocus myself throughout my years as a mother. Yes, I am their mother and I am
his wife, and they are my world...but my world is a big place, full of colors
and shapes and angles that reflect from my soul. There is more to me than them.
It’s not just me, ladies. You, too, are like
prisms.
Stay bright.
