What do I think about transparency and how discretion fits in to all that?
It’s pretty simple: don’t be an idiot. Trust who you can trust and keep mum around anyone who sets off the radar of your spidey senses. There is nothing wrong or dishonest about not trusting people enough to live your life openly in front of them. In fact, living your life openly in front of people who you know are untrustworthy makes you foolish.
The concepts of transparency-- which, for me, fall in the same categories as honesty, character, integrity, owning your life, and leading by example—do NOT involve throwing your heart/soul/spirit out there for the unwashed masses to view, judge, critique, or any impulse that befalls them. Being Honest and Transparent is not synonymous with being naïve. In fact, Honesty and Transparency are for people who want to accomplish, achieve, succeed, and actually LIVE. In order to do these things, one must also be thoughtful and intuitive. Being thoughtful and intuitive requires us to sit back and allow silence to teach us what is required to get us to the next step in life.
The inability to use discretion appropriately only succeeds in setting people up for heartache, and possibly, ultimate failure. Before you open your mouth about your goals, heartaches, or current grievances, I think it’s important to ask yourself:
Why do I want to communicate THIS information to THAT person?
What do I hope to accomplish through this disclosure?
What are my risks? What are HIS/HER risks?
If these split-second assessments are telling you observe a moment of silence, this is not indicative of dishonesty or lies of omission on your part. It’s being WISE. It’s learning from your mistakes and listening to your gut instincts. It’s moving you forward to where you want to be. Moreover, and equally as important, it’s you being honest with yourself about the people around you.
Also, it’s important to bear in mind that your attempts at transparency do not give you a free pass to unload your thoughts on to people who you know deep in your heart are ill-equipped to carry them. There is a reason Christ wasn’t BFFs with every Tom, Dick, and Harry who loved him! He didn’t unveil his heart and soul to every person who he met, or every person who loved him. Christ didn’t go and tell everyone, “Hey, guess who is going to betray me by the end of the night!” This wasn’t a lack of transparency on his part. Even though he knew the implications of what was about to transpire, he didn’t throw discretion to the wind in the interest of warning everyone that they were about to witness what history had been predicting.
The bottom line is: Know your true friends. Know your true loves. Transparency with them is what is paramount.
At the same time: you know when your gut is telling you to keep your mouth shut. When this happens, do yourself and everyone around you a favor and deal with that particular issue in silence. Pray, read, exercise, THINK, THINK, THINK. There are certainly ways to accomplish our goals without putting them on a movie screen for everyone to see.
The answer is simple: be wise in your communication. Wisdom is supreme. Wise communication is divine.
Excellent. I found this idea very illuminating: "you being honest with yourself about the people around you." I wonder how often I ask myself that question and if 1) it is often enough and 2) I am actually honest in my own reply.
ReplyDeleteI also really liked your example about Christ. I was talking to a friend the other day about "Boundaries." She referred to boundaries as the "trendy, new thing." I told her I did not think there was anything "new" about them and said, "Think about Jesus. How many times were people pouring out of the woodwork for more healings and Jesus walked away. I'm sure a lot of them were miffed that he didn't stay there and heal longer but, Jesus had boundaries. He knew how much he ought to do and he didn't let anyone guilt him into staying longer. There were times when he went off alone to be by himself and be quiet. That's another healthy boundary..." There are plenty of examples and having healthy boundaries and exercising discernment about what to communicate, when, and to whom is, as you say, paramount.
Again I say to you: Excellent post.
Thank you, Sarah!
ReplyDeleteI had another comment privately about the use of discretion/silence in regards to protecting others. I think it goes without saying that, when it's someone else's business, silence is required. For this post, i was referring more to our own dreams/desires/goals/issues. And your point about Christ knowing when to walk away is spot on.