Time Flies

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Naomi, age 4

People take the liberty of saying a lot of things to new parents, most of which aren’t helpful at all. Actually, they also take the liberty of saying some downright horrible things to parents. Some of my favorites include all the wonderful “Just wait” statements, which are a combination of condescending, damning, and nasty all at once. “Just wait....

“Until the terrible twos.”

“Until she learns how to talk...she’ll never stop,”

“Until she becomes a teenager.”

“Until she brings home her first boyfriend.”

I used to just smile and take it. I likened it to those people who have nothing useful to say, so they feel the need to tell you that you look tired or that you need to smile. They are the same types of people who want to tell you that once you get married, your life stops; once you have children, your life stops; weekends on the soccer field are a burden; and the life which is the typical “be all end all” for most of us completely exhausts them to the point that they can’t wait to go back to work on Monday mornings. These people are in a perpetual state of “woe is me.” 

Recently, since having Hope, I’ve found that these ridiculous comments don’t bother nearly as much as this one, specific, well-meaning observation. When I am out alone with Hope, people make the assumption that she is my first and only, and feel the need to tell me, “Cherish every day because it goes by fast!”  I just smile and acknowledge and move on. But that particular comment is painful because it’s so true. Without knowing it, those people step on my feelings every single time. 

Naomi, just shy of 2-years-old

Yes, I know it goes fast. In the blink of an eye, I went from watching Naomi take her first steps to reminding her that her high school orientation starts at 6pm. As she goes through my closet to pick out one of my shirts that she’d rather wear than one of hers, my mind’s eye sees her come running into my room beaming with pride because she dressed herself for the first time. I have moments of panic because I only have four more years before she’s considered an “adult” and she can do as she pleases. All the hard work we put in to teaching her, loving  her, guiding her, disciplining her, and playing with her is coming to its grand crescendo before she begins a whole new song. I find that when people make nasty comments about teenagers, I feel instantly defensive and resentful. If there is any drawback whatsoever to MY teenager, it’s that she’s so sweet and amazing that I can’t imagine having a home without her in it. 

It’s a surreal experience, having one in diapers and the other starting high school. They are both my babies. They are both innocent, pink, little people who own me and require my whole heart and all the love, affection, reassurance, protection, playfulness, guidance, and patience I have. The only difference is that Naomi stands on the precipice of something wildly new and free, and once she jumps, there is very little I can do to protect her anymore. It’s absolutely terrifying. 

I can only hope that she’s prepared. And, at the same time, that somehow I’m prepared. 

Naomi, Age 5

But, is any mom ever really prepared? I guess so. I mean, at some point during the pregnancy with her, I was ready for her to get the heck out so we could move on to the next phase. Maybe this will be the same. Maybe I’ll transition from mostly fear  to excitement over her journey, our friendship, her successes, her developments, and her adventures. Maybe having a teenager is like a pregnancy. It starts with fear and anxiety, and then at some point, an overwhelming desire to move on sets in and both mother and child are all, “Let’s do this.” Then, the birth- the crucial transition-and boom, you begin something new with an infant. Then, with a toddler; a preschooler; a kinder; a middle school student; a teenager; an adult. Then Mother’s role transitions to that of a friend and sage adviser. I guess it all comes naturally. 

But it goes so fast.