Sleep is overrated. She tricked me for about three days and made me think she might actually have turned that wonderful "sleep" corner. Not so much. It was more like two steps forward and 20 steps backward. But being awake in the middle of the night certainly has its advantages. The house is quiet and I can sit there and think... And also continue to master the fine art of falling asleep in a seated position. It's remarkable how having a baby changes a mother's mindset and goals (probably dads, too, but I can't speak for them). It's not that the bar is lowered exactly, but babies are the great Equalizers and reality can be a real bitch. New goals include world-conquering achievements like brushing my teeth sometime before dinner and showering on gym days. I've gone out in public in my pajamas more times in the last six weeks than I did in the last six years. The best part about it is that I don't even give it a second thought. It's sort of liberating, actually. Plus, I live in a town where the men shamelessly wear Uggs, so it's not like I need to impress anyone. 
The middle of the night is sacred. No, I do not enjoy "bonding" with my daughter while we should both be sleeping. However, there is definitely something special about 5am to me. It's morning, but still quiet. She's pretty tuckered out from being up all night and eats peacefully. These are the moments that I truly enjoy. It's just the two of us and we are simply there. No distractions and nowhere to be for some time. Just peace and love. I reset my goals again and they are all centered around her and her sisters. It's like hitting the same button we hit every New Years Eve and on birthdays,except I have the luxury of thoughtfully hitting it each morning: today I will be more patient; today I will take better care of myself so that I can take better care of them; today I enjoy the little things and I won't rush; and on and on the list goes. 
The great Equalizer comes in this little 10 pound package of pink beauty and innocence, and she reminds me that life is full of miracles and second chances. She brings me to a sleep-deprived state of delirium and somehow still has the ability to bring me to a level of overwhelming love and desire to do right by her. It's pretty incredible.
Next Up: Back to Work- How can anticipation and dread coexist so equally?
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