The Season of Hope

This morning, we lit the first candle of Advent, read our daily verse, and talked about the season of Hope and what that means to us. What I didn’t expect was a bunch of questions about why we no longer go to church and reminders that I said I’d be looking for a new church.

“We celebrate Advent, but we don’t go to church.” (Naomi)

“Well, Advent isn’t about going to church. It’s about celebrating the birth of Jesus.” (+1 for mom!)

“Oh. Ok. But you said you were looking for a church.” (Dammit, Naomi)

“Sometimes it takes Moms a long time to find a church.” (In your face, Kid)

My last statement worked for a few minutes while we talked about Jesus, Mary, and Joseph (the people, not the expletive) and then the girls went back to something about the Light of the World, why people go to church, and what Christmas is about. I was actually pretty impressed with their knowledge since, apparently, I am not overly religious and, even though I told them I’d be looking for a new church almost five months ago, we still enjoy sleeping in every Sunday. Also, I have yet to start reading their bibles with them every night. Or, ANY night, for that matter. I mean, I did it for a few nights back in July. Does that count?

They have a rough understanding of what the Real Deal is, though (despite my slackage as a parent).To them, Christmas is about Hope, giving, light, Life, and joy. I am working with them on what it means to be grateful—which I find easiest to teach by going through their bedroom with gigantic trash bags and getting rid of their favorite toys—and the importance of Family. Man oh man- the Family deal is blurry and totally convoluted right now, but hey, we are doing the best we can. They seem to get how important Family is to Rian and me, and I think this is a true miracle.

(Kidding about how I teach gratefulness)

What I love about the kids is that they are so smart; so resilient; so open to loving and laughing; and so clueless when they call you to the mat for something you said you’d do, but haven’t done yet. I have to love how genuine they are!

So, here’s to Advent; Hope; Light; Gratefulness; And the idea that I will actually, maybe, hopefully, remember to read our daily verse each day and my daughters will continue to find things to feel joyous about throughout this season.

(On the days I forget to do Advent, I’ll just play the following clip for them):

Over-what??

After dealing with an overly sore foot for almost a month following the Century I did, I finally gave in and went to see the good Doc. The diagnosis was not that someone had been putting boogers in my sandwich (Yes, he has said that before). After I moved his 85lb cat off the exam table and sat down so he could take a little look-see, he told me I had a repetitive motion injury and that both the ligaments and tendons had been damaged. No impact cardio for a MONTH! That bastard! We talked about my other options, after I assured him that I could not, and would not, be taking a month off. I mean, jeez...I may as well just take my Fat Jeans out of storage at the mere thought of it.
When I got back to the office, after a reassuring lunch with ST, I had decided on a great course of action and I knew I would remain as fit as a fiddle with my new routine, which would include all kinds of fun things, like....ok, there was nothing "fun" about it, but I did have some good ideas.

I walked into the kitchen to refill my water, and ended up in a conversation with one of my bike buddies from work. I told him my sad tale of injury, and he mentioned that, given my stress level and the amount of time I have been spending working out, I might be over-trained and need a break. He then told me some stories about HIS over-training days, when he did a century and then a marathon two weeks later (he is a total bad ass). I was somewhat annoyed when I got back to my desk and I started doing research right away. What are some of the symptoms of an athlete who is over-trained? Well I'm not going to outline them here, because I want you to do your own friggin research, but I had almost every one of them. Friggin frick.

After a lot of thought and even a few tears, I did a little more research and talked to my most trusted Bro-In-Law and we decided my best course of action would be to take two weeks and do nothing but Yoga and stretching. After that, I could get back to work, sans any impact cardio for two additional weeks.

I don't know what it was about all this that had me so upset, but I felt like rubbish for the rest of the day! I envisioned myself eating shit tons of Taco Bell and curry chicken, just as I did when I was pregnant. Or, eating a bunch of spaghetti sauce as I did the dishes. Or, one of my personal Liz favorites: not eating the crust on pizza slices to ensure that I had the belly space to eat as many actual slices as possible. I know...I know....I was really sexy back in those days. I was prepared to go find all my larger pants and bras and get ready to bulk up for the winter. I mean, it IS winter after all, and it HAS been pretty cold out. I envisioned myself in some of the photos we have of me and newborn Naomi (lawdy lawdy) and my legs were...uh....not fit. Or, as Rian would say (not about me, of course) they were "sturdy."

This blog is actually being written so I can cleanse my soul and confess to all readers that I am certifiably insane and unreasonable about what happened yesterday. I think injury to my foot was actually a Godsend. My knees, shoulders, ankles, and back have been killing me for weeks. I have been gimpy and tweaked since August, with one body part after another screaming out in pain.
So- here's to my health! I'm going to rest for TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS for the first time in I-don't-know-how-long. When I get back, I'll be back, and The Griz Shall Rise Again.

That is all.

Submerged

Most adults, if not all of us, know the feeling. Each day is a slow motion effort to move on to the next moment. There are so many questions, perhaps so much fear, and certainly more anxiety than we have ever experienced, and time is moving so slowly that each breath feels like it lasts for minutes. Every movement is exhausting-- a complete exercise in will power and sheer stubbornness. Life went from Sunlight to Darkness faster than we could say, "WHOA, wait!" and now we are navigating our days in a darkness and density of heartache that feels as though we have been thrown from a yacht into shark-infested seas. The pain of reality grips your chest as you hold your breath, waiting for........something. Anything.

It could be a stagnant time of life that has left you powerless and full of despair. For a lot of people, it's a significant loss or change that was unexpected. Either way, the consuming ocean of darkness is all over you and you spend your days fighting for your life.

One thing I have noticed during these times is that, when they are over, you know what you are really made of. At that moment when you come up for your first gasp for fresh air-- through laughter, adventure, relief, or any unexpected positive turn of events-- you can take a step back and realize that you are far stronger than you ever imagined. You just managed to swim around an entire ocean, navigating through scores of scary creatures and fearful tides, and you didn't die! The journey is still going and it is still yours. There is much more living to be done and, more importantly, more much LOVING to be done.

Submersion, which won't kill you, has more to offer than you could ever imagine. When you take those first joyful breaths, you have just been reborn. The sun is brighter; the sky is bluer; the fall is more crisp...you get the picture.
A few things that have sustained me through my own submersion into the Ocean of Pure Hell are these:

Relationships: during a time of deep heartache, the building and maintenance of critical relationships is paramount. Transparency with those who I trust has made the difference between me suffering alone and knowing that, while no one else can carry the fear/sadness/despair/etc, I am standing shoulder to shoulder with people who would carry these burdens without hesitation. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is scary, but it needs to happen for you to really experience the fullness of the love people around you have. This vulnerability is like drafting behind an accomplished swimmer when your reserves are almost none. It's essential to reaching the top.
Silence: as Depeche Mode once said, "Enjoy the silence." Regardless of how you typically recharge, the Silence of your reality is going to swallow you whole. As much as people love you and as much as they want to Be There for you, this ocean is yours to navigate. The best thing you can do is use the isolation to reflect on your own soul and really examine your life and your journey. Among other things, the loneliness of complete submersion forces you to say, "Wait a minute. What do I want? Who do I want to be?" Envision your journey. Although you are still under water, at least you are swimming toward something.
Adventure/Routine Changes: this comes in many forms, including ANY new experience, endeavor, or creative outlet. Depending on your personality, this may be just as difficult as Vulnerability. However, when your limits are being tested, I also think it's a good time to remind yourself that the world can be full of wonder. Even though you FEEL like you are dead, you aren't.  Starting a new workout, trying new foods every week, switching your home routine...anything...all these things... adventure adds a dimension of light on your darkest of days, which can bring you to a level of catharsis. When there is nothing else to say as you lay in bed at night, it will comfort your aching soul to say to yourself, "At least I...."

(For me, some of these changes and/or adventures included the act of making my bed every day- I’m not kidding. I know this seems small, but it brought order into my chaos- making travel plans, amping up my gym time, reading new books, and writing, writing, writing, all the time. See? Baby steps)

The slow motion, endurance-testing, soul-enveloping, heart-aching days don't last forever. They precede your rebirth into life. They close a chapter on something else. They can make you strong if you don't let them break you into pieces.

When you look around you, you will see that many people are floating, swimming furiously, flailing around, or near death in their oceans. When nothing else about your hell makes sense, know this: you now have something to offer the living dead. For me, this was/has been everything. When you awake from your nightmare, you will have the ability to stand shoulder to shoulder as a Warrior for someone else because you have been there. You've seen the ocean and survived your own imminent death. Surely, this opportunity to be a Warrior has to give you a little bit of strength to make it through another day.

Transparency II: Discretion

What do I think about transparency and how discretion fits in to all that?

It’s pretty simple: don’t be an idiot. Trust who you can trust and keep mum around anyone who sets off the radar of your spidey senses. There is nothing wrong or dishonest about not trusting people enough to live your life openly in front of them. In fact, living your life openly in front of people who you know are untrustworthy makes you foolish.

The concepts of transparency-- which, for me, fall in the same categories as honesty, character, integrity, owning your life, and leading by example—do NOT involve throwing your heart/soul/spirit out there for the unwashed masses to view, judge, critique, or any impulse that befalls them. Being Honest and Transparent is not synonymous with being naïve. In fact, Honesty and Transparency are for people who want to accomplish, achieve, succeed, and actually LIVE. In order to do these things, one must also be thoughtful and intuitive. Being thoughtful and intuitive requires us to sit back and allow silence to teach us what is required to get us to the next step in life.

The inability to use discretion appropriately only succeeds in setting people up for heartache, and possibly, ultimate failure. Before you open your mouth about your goals, heartaches, or current grievances, I think it’s important to ask yourself:

Why do I want to communicate THIS information to THAT person?

What do I hope to accomplish through this disclosure?

What are my risks? What are HIS/HER risks?

If these split-second assessments are telling you observe a moment of silence, this is not indicative of dishonesty or lies of omission on your part. It’s being WISE. It’s learning from your mistakes and listening to your gut instincts. It’s moving you forward to where you want to be. Moreover, and equally as important, it’s you being honest with yourself about the people around you.

Also, it’s important to bear in mind that your attempts at transparency do not give you a free pass to unload your thoughts on to people who you know deep in your heart are ill-equipped to carry them. There is a reason Christ wasn’t BFFs with every Tom, Dick, and Harry who loved him! He didn’t unveil his heart and soul to every person who he met, or every person who loved him. Christ didn’t go and tell everyone, “Hey, guess who is going to betray me by the end of the night!” This wasn’t a lack of transparency on his part. Even though he knew the implications of what was about to transpire, he didn’t throw discretion to the wind in the interest of warning everyone that they were about to witness what history had been predicting.

The bottom line is: Know your true friends. Know your true loves. Transparency with them is what is paramount.

At the same time: you know when your gut is telling you to keep your mouth shut. When this happens, do yourself and everyone around you a favor and deal with that particular issue in silence. Pray, read, exercise, THINK, THINK, THINK. There are certainly ways to accomplish our goals without putting them on a movie screen for everyone to see.

The answer is simple: be wise in your communication. Wisdom is supreme. Wise communication is divine.

Gayer for Mayer

"Vultures"

Some of us, We're hardly ever here
The rest of us, we're born to disappear
How do I stop myself from
Being just a number
How will I hold my head
To keep from going under

Down to the wire
I wanted water but
But I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me,testing me

How did they find me here
What do they want from me
All of these vultures hiding
Right outside my door
I hear them whisperin
They're tryin to ride it out
Cause they've never gone this long
Without a kill before

Down to the wire
I wanted water but
I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me, testing me

Wheels up
I got to leave this evening
Can't seem to shake these vultures
Off of my trail
Power is made, by power being taken
So I keep on running
To protect my situation

Down to the wire
I wanted water but
I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me

Transparency

In terms of professionalism, we as a society demand transparency in nearly every aspect of our lives; from Congress to banks, schools, supervisors, and colleagues. We feel we have a right to open communication and ultimate accountability. So why is it that we feel entitled to conceal these things in our personal lives?

Open Communication:

The advantages of communication have been paramount in my life. Open communication has allowed me to unlock things that have been locked away for so long that I wasn’t even sure how to communicate them when I ultimately decided to verbalize these truths.

If you are open with others, they are open with you.

If you want something, what are you chances of getting it if you do not ask?

If you expect something, how can you hold others accountable if they are unaware of your expectations?

Most importantly: who is in charge of your communication? You? Or the person/people to whom you are (or are not) communicating?

Utilizing open communication has far more advantages than disadvantages. Allowing people to see you as you would like to see them breaks the barriers of secrecy, hidden agendas, and unknown motivations. This lack of connection almost always results in NOT getting what you want/need.

Some pitfalls of open communication: vulnerability, betrayal, or misrepresentation by others. I would submit that vulnerability in many regards is an essential ingredient to getting what you want. Vulnerability is a positive form of manipulation that allows your counterparts to see exactly who you are and what you are after, which takes the guesswork out of their decision-making process. Betrayal happens regardless of which path you choose (transparency or not). People who betray will betray, regardless of what they know about you. When you put Your Truths out there for everyone to see, you have not necessarily armed those who will betray. They would also choose to betray if they did not know your truths. As far as misrepresentation goes: what better way to avoid being misrepresented than to ensure that your intentions, desires, needs, and/or expected outcomes are right there in front of you for people to see/feel/hear?

Accountability:

Accountability is, to me, one of the most critical aspects of any relationship, both professional and personal. I could write an entire blog on Accountability.

When the stakes are the highest, accountability is what we rely on for success (NA, AA, weight loss, counseling, academics). Accountability is the unmistakable communication between cause and effect. Moreover, accountability is allowing your goals and intentions to be known, which effects how you go about living.

Transparency allows accountability.

Accountability encourages forward movement. Forward movement gets us where we want to be.

Placing your faith in individuals who will not hold you accountable is foolish.

Hiding your intentions so that others can not hold you accountable is foolish.

Without accountability, people have the ability to float wherever the moment takes them, which can be to some pretty dark places. Without accountability, direction can not be steered or monitored. Without accountability, failures go unrecognized; or, worse, failures are experienced alone, which doesn’t allow others the chance to encourage or love in ways that are meaningful.

Transparency, which invites accountability, as I see it, is the most effective way to communicate who you are, what you want, and what you expect of those around you. Without it, your ability to achieve many goals is severely impaired.

Brown v. Entertainment Merchants Association

I have to say that I am still a little stunned at harsh commentary regarding the decision made by the Supreme Court this week in the Brown v. Entertainment Merchants Association case. 

Facts in a nutshell: (2006) California passed a law that attempted to regulate the sale of violent video games to minors. Gaming industry sued under the 1^st and 14^th Amendments. Ninth Circuit found in favor of gaming industry. Schwarzenegger filed a writ of certiorari. Bing, bang BOOM, the Supreme Court surprises everyone by hearing the case.

Outcome: Supremes upheld the opinion of the Ninth Circuit, citing violations of the 1^st and 14^th Amendments, under the rationale that:

A.    Violent video games are not obscene

B.    California could not show a compelling interest in regulating the sale of “violent” games to minors. (1. The bill was too broad in language and 2. Parents should maintain all that decision-making power)

C.    The Miller test, or LAPS Test, do not apply

A: Obscene.

I don’t need to define “obscene” here. The first quote that comes to mind is the very famous quote by former Justice Stewart (Warren Court), “I’ll know it when I see it,” which was used in reference to the threshold for pornography. The Supreme Court has heard case after case related to the sale of materials that are  perceived to be obscene and has, for the most part, stayed true to what they believed the Framers intended when the 1^st and 14^th A’s were written. Our freedom of speech and due process under the law are principles that can not be easily cast aside just because some members of society are offended. Or, moreover, because state governments want to “help” parents make appropriate decisions for their children.

BUT, Liz, you say:

“If we apply the Stewart Standard, video games that depict rape, robbery, and murder are obscene! Anyone who says differently is lying to themselves and to their audience in the interest of seeming enlightened…or whatever.”

 I, too, find it interesting that Court is contending that our evolving standards of decency do not apply here. Note: the bill was not forbidding the sale of violent games. It was just regulating it.

However, and more important than our opinions and shifting slopes of “evolving standards”:

Obscenity Standards have applied to sexually explicit materials in the past and the Roberts Court contended that they did not apply to violence or games. Fair point. Court precedent wins.

B: Compelling Interest

Thanks, California! First, you want to punt the Pledge of Allegiance from our schools because of “God,” your “feelings,” something, something, youcantmakeagoodargumentforit. HOWEVER, you are totally in favor of LEGISLATION, rather than YOU, which regulates what your minor children can or can not purchase? Make up your minds!

Anyway, that was a little off topic. California could not show a compelling interest because there is no hard science to back up claims that violent media produces violent minors. Look to Columbine and any other national tragedy all you want, folks. The science isn’t there! Those violent incidences resulted in knee-jerk legislation by law makers who were desperate to appease scared, heartbroken, and/or weak-minded voters. However, the bottom line is that either you want the State to tell you what is good for you, or you don’t. You can’t play both sides of that fence where there is no apparent, tangible compelling interest.

C: Miller and LAPS

The LAPS test came from the Miller case (which ruled on the distribution of obscene materials) and consisted of the following thresholds:

• Whether "the average person, applying contemporary community standards", would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest,
• Whether the work depicts/describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct specifically defined by applicable state law,
• Whether the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious Literary, Artistic, Political or Scientific value.

What I found most interesting about this was that, in his dissent, Breyer wrote, “But what sense does it make to forbid selling to a 13-year-old boy a magazine with an image of a nude woman, while protecting a sale to that 13­ year-old of an interactive video game in which he actively, but virtually, binds and gags the woman, then tortures and kills her?”

Touché, Sir. Except... 

That’s just not enough to mow over the 1^st and 14^th. (Also, as I mentioned earlier, the principles of Miller and Ginsberg were directly related to the sale of pornographic materials.)

(Side note: If you read Ginsberg v. New York, you will be stunned that the opinion of the Warren court in that case wasn’t used for this one as well. Trust me, I agree with you, and so did Breyer in his dissent. The only thing I can figure is that the Roberts Court really believed that video games and pornography are different).

The gaming industry used ingenious Amicus briefs to make comparisons between presumably violent cartoons of the past (Mighty Mouse and Road Runner) and the level of violence in the public. The bottom line was that these violent games were not found to have a negative affect on the Youth of America. Sure, there is a difference between Mighty Mouse and Grand Theft Auto. HOWEVER, the State of California failed to illustrate it effectively.

Justice Scalia wrote the opinion of the Court and noted:

 "Like the protected books, plays, and movies that preceded them, video games communicate ideas—and even social messages—through many familiar literary devices (such as characters, dialogue, plot, and music) and through features distinctive to the medium (such as the player’s interaction with the virtual world). That suffices to confer First Amendment protection."

Scalia later wrote that “the principles of free speech can not be varied.” Whether or not we can all agree on the idea that violent video games are foul, disgusting, counter-productive to our goals as parents/teachers, we must remain focused on the principles upon which our great nation was founded. Our 1^st and 14^th rights are of paramount importance to our advancement as the world’s greatest nation. So, sorry if everyone disagrees with Brown. But seriously, California really botched this one in a big way…not the Supreme Court.

The Slumbering Society (Dare to Achieve II)

I often wonder what gets people moving. When I meet someone, one of the first curiosities I have is about what gets his/her heart thumping and why. The people who fascinate me the most are the ones who could clearly answer those questions in an instant. Those people are few and far between, unfortunately.  I don’t believe this is because others have never had purpose or reason. I think it is because, over time, these dreams and visions were “reasoned” right out of our minds.

It’s a strange shift in principles that seems to take place sometime during our twenties; a drastic shift in our Ideals Paradigm. American children are “encouraged” (I say they are forced) to over-extend themselves from the time they are in diapers until they finally escape the tentacles of their “over-achieving” parents and attend college somewhere far, far away. It is there that they blossom, strategize their visions, and begin the work of moving forward towards their destinies. Somewhere along the lines, however, the same parents who signed them up for little league at the age of nine months begin to sway them from their lofty aspirations. The clear messages are: that’s not realistic; that doesn’t make enough money; you can’t do all that. Their visions are clouded with doubt, which sets the stage for reconsideration, which slows the neck-breaking pace of success and achievement, and then BOOM...there is some cognitive restructuring and, not so suddenly, those lofty dreams become “realistic” dreams and they begin to live the Great American Dream. Hummmmmmmmmdrummmmmmm monoooottttoooony.

This, of course, isn’t true for everyone and I’m generalizing, obviously. There is certainly a select, fortunate group of people who truly can not wait for the sun to rise. They are prepared for battle at every moment and they intend to secure their dreams no matter what occurs. They have encountered the pitfalls; fielded the discouraging words; and worked through periods of preparation (or, what Dr. Seuss called, “the waiting place”). These are the brilliant people. These are the excited people. These are the ones who make YOU want to get out of bed in the morning and look for the next big adventure. I wish these people existed in abundance. These are the people who should be your mentors.

I’ll use this platform to encourage people to remember the beginning when they had dreams and great aspirations. Remember the excitement of planning and strategizing the next big thing. Remember the adrenaline rush that came with the fear of failing…and use it to force you to push harder. It’s not too late to be That Person.

If you can’t do it all now, that’s ok. Do a piece of it. You wouldn’t believe how healing that can be for the slumbering, weary soul. One piece of your dreams will give you the strength to go after more…and more…and then even more.

WAKE UP! Your life is worthwhile! YOU are worthwhile.

Consider the storms and changes you have weathered in your life. As I see it, beginning the beautiful work of achieving your dreams is a task you are ready to accomplish.

Dr. Seuss had it right:

“You have brains in your head and you have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose!”

Checkmate

Sometime in the last few months, I sent a letter to a close friend and confidant that confided my overwhelming desire to seize another big "checkmate" moment. I have been thinking about this for years, since I finished school. As I make the quick and steady approach to my 30th birthday, I force myself to reflect on my 20s. What did I accomplish, how, why, and how can I improve?

The fact is that I, regretfully, lost sight of the successes and treasured moments I enjoyed during my twenties. My focus is always on the next big thing. Every triumph leads to a new plan; every new plan to a new execution; every completed execution to a new stride; and then the cycle repeats.

Is this a function of the society in which we live? How often do people really sit back, drop anchor, and allow the moment to envelop them? I have started to believe that the effects of this constant forward-movement are more detrimental to our long term happiness than we are willing to acknowledge. The sweet taste of success should not be fleeting at all. It should be savored time and time again. I'm all about living in the moment, and moving forward with the next big dream; but without the critical reflection on those days when we awoke with the unmistakable "Checkmate!" feeling, I don't think we really position ourselves to derive our most potent energy for the purest source: our own souls. Instead, we are constantly shifting in our spiritual chairs, watching and waiting, wondering and planning, ready to pounce.

How long can we run straight into the flames at a million miles an hour before we experience the defeat of exhaustion? The paramount reflection here is that there truly is a time for everything, and a balance to every success. The planning and watching are constant, but these are also moments where resting and rejuvenating really matter. Why not truly allow yourself to clasp your hands behind your head,put your feet up on the table, and say to yourself, "I won"? We force ourselves to physically do this all the time. Why is it so easy to cast our spiritual well-being aside, under the guise of always being ready for the next big thing? You can't be ready for the next big gig if you have exhausted your ability to discern it. And certainly, if you are lucky enough to seize it, you are setting yourself up to be robbed of its beauty.

Our efforts were rewarded and we have positioned ourselves to seize countless "checkmate" moments, if we are wise enough to see the opportunities as they present themselves. For me, my goals are set for the next decade and my energy is replenished. I'm watching, waiting, and listening for my cue. Now, I think the most advantageous thing to do is to lay out in the sun, drink a beer, and take a deep breath. "Go time" could be any minute.

Little Ava

Ever since I played my guitar and sang for the kids at Naomi’s school, I’ve been treated like some sort of celebrity. They always say “Hello!” to me when I pick her up, and typically I am wowed with story after story of whatever happens to occupy their minds at the moment I arrive.

Yesterday, I was early and decided to enjoy the sunshine with all 40+ children as they played on the playground. I did my normal chitchat with the teachers and got up to speed on Naomi’s goings on (FYI: everyone loves her and she is never picked on).

Little Ava is a kindergartner with HUGE glasses. She adores Naomi and is always following her around. After the girls spent a good while showing me all the cool stuff they could do on the slide, Ava came over and said, “Naomi’s Mommy, you’re beautiful.” I responded, “You’re beautiful, too.” She launched right in to a story about her glasses and how she needs them because her eyes cross sometimes. Naomi interrupted the story and told me, in front of Ava, that the kids make fun of Ava’s glasses.

Dagger…straight through my heart.

I suddenly remembered every single time I ate lunch alone, played outside alone, and had kids laugh at me and ridicule me.

“I had glasses, too. I got them when I was eight and wore them until I was 26.”

Ava’s eyes got wide. “You did?”

“Yep. And mean kids didn’t like my glasses either.”

“They didn’t?”

“Nope. And trust me, sweetheart, your glasses show off your pretty eyes.”

She gave me a big smile and took off.

I should have become a school teacher.

For the Girls, Part 1

Since I originally started this blog with the thought that someday my girls would read it, and realize that I thought about things other than soccer schedules and nutrition values, I figure I’d better post something specifically for them. I have been thinking about this for a few months now and things are finally coming together in a way that I am fairly certain I can communicate them reasonably.

This part of my thought process refers directly to interpersonal relationships:

1.     Be succinct, always. There are certain circumstances where what you need to say will take more than five minutes to convey, but generally speaking, most of your daily thoughts and instructions can be effectively communicated in less than five minutes (sometimes, in less than five sentences). If it takes longer than five minutes, you’d better be the President.

2.     Consider your words carefully. Please, I implore you, do not grow up and become one of the millions who, without a thought, throw words and phrases into the atmosphere that have no significance or meaning. Stop….Think….Consider….then speak.

3.     There are many ways to measure your worth. Please consider one of the most important measurements to be how often you have a positive effect on the lives of others. How often do people seek your advice? How often are you their sounding board? How often do you calm a storm simply by being in the room? Do you play a critical role in the lives of the people you care about? Are you anyone’s hero?

Finally:

4.     Challenge your status quo. You can always be more remarkable, more successful, more interesting, and more challenged in your life. By challenging your status quo, you ensure that YOU are the person who plays the most critical role in your own sense of joy and fulfillment. Plus that, it makes you that much more valuable to the people around you.  

In the interest of keeping this concise, that’s all for now.