Most adults, if not all of us, know the feeling. Each day is a slow motion effort to move on to the next moment. There are so many questions, perhaps so much fear, and certainly more anxiety than we have ever experienced, and time is moving so slowly that each breath feels like it lasts for minutes. Every movement is exhausting-- a complete exercise in will power and sheer stubbornness. Life went from Sunlight to Darkness faster than we could say, "WHOA, wait!" and now we are navigating our days in a darkness and density of heartache that feels as though we have been thrown from a yacht into shark-infested seas. The pain of reality grips your chest as you hold your breath, waiting for........something. Anything.
It could be a stagnant time of life that has left you powerless and full of despair. For a lot of people, it's a significant loss or change that was unexpected. Either way, the consuming ocean of darkness is all over you and you spend your days fighting for your life.
One thing I have noticed during these times is that, when they are over, you know what you are really made of. At that moment when you come up for your first gasp for fresh air-- through laughter, adventure, relief, or any unexpected positive turn of events-- you can take a step back and realize that you are far stronger than you ever imagined. You just managed to swim around an entire ocean, navigating through scores of scary creatures and fearful tides, and you didn't die! The journey is still going and it is still yours. There is much more living to be done and, more importantly, more much LOVING to be done.
Submersion, which won't kill you, has more to offer than you could ever imagine. When you take those first joyful breaths, you have just been reborn. The sun is brighter; the sky is bluer; the fall is more crisp...you get the picture.
A few things that have sustained me through my own submersion into the Ocean of Pure Hell are these:
Relationships: during a time of deep heartache, the building and maintenance of critical relationships is paramount. Transparency with those who I trust has made the difference between me suffering alone and knowing that, while no one else can carry the fear/sadness/despair/etc, I am standing shoulder to shoulder with people who would carry these burdens without hesitation. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is scary, but it needs to happen for you to really experience the fullness of the love people around you have. This vulnerability is like drafting behind an accomplished swimmer when your reserves are almost none. It's essential to reaching the top.
Silence: as Depeche Mode once said, "Enjoy the silence." Regardless of how you typically recharge, the Silence of your reality is going to swallow you whole. As much as people love you and as much as they want to Be There for you, this ocean is yours to navigate. The best thing you can do is use the isolation to reflect on your own soul and really examine your life and your journey. Among other things, the loneliness of complete submersion forces you to say, "Wait a minute. What do I want? Who do I want to be?" Envision your journey. Although you are still under water, at least you are swimming toward something.
Adventure/Routine Changes: this comes in many forms, including ANY new experience, endeavor, or creative outlet. Depending on your personality, this may be just as difficult as Vulnerability. However, when your limits are being tested, I also think it's a good time to remind yourself that the world can be full of wonder. Even though you FEEL like you are dead, you aren't. Starting a new workout, trying new foods every week, switching your home routine...anything...all these things... adventure adds a dimension of light on your darkest of days, which can bring you to a level of catharsis. When there is nothing else to say as you lay in bed at night, it will comfort your aching soul to say to yourself, "At least I...."
It could be a stagnant time of life that has left you powerless and full of despair. For a lot of people, it's a significant loss or change that was unexpected. Either way, the consuming ocean of darkness is all over you and you spend your days fighting for your life.
One thing I have noticed during these times is that, when they are over, you know what you are really made of. At that moment when you come up for your first gasp for fresh air-- through laughter, adventure, relief, or any unexpected positive turn of events-- you can take a step back and realize that you are far stronger than you ever imagined. You just managed to swim around an entire ocean, navigating through scores of scary creatures and fearful tides, and you didn't die! The journey is still going and it is still yours. There is much more living to be done and, more importantly, more much LOVING to be done.
Submersion, which won't kill you, has more to offer than you could ever imagine. When you take those first joyful breaths, you have just been reborn. The sun is brighter; the sky is bluer; the fall is more crisp...you get the picture.
A few things that have sustained me through my own submersion into the Ocean of Pure Hell are these:
Relationships: during a time of deep heartache, the building and maintenance of critical relationships is paramount. Transparency with those who I trust has made the difference between me suffering alone and knowing that, while no one else can carry the fear/sadness/despair/etc, I am standing shoulder to shoulder with people who would carry these burdens without hesitation. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is scary, but it needs to happen for you to really experience the fullness of the love people around you have. This vulnerability is like drafting behind an accomplished swimmer when your reserves are almost none. It's essential to reaching the top.
Silence: as Depeche Mode once said, "Enjoy the silence." Regardless of how you typically recharge, the Silence of your reality is going to swallow you whole. As much as people love you and as much as they want to Be There for you, this ocean is yours to navigate. The best thing you can do is use the isolation to reflect on your own soul and really examine your life and your journey. Among other things, the loneliness of complete submersion forces you to say, "Wait a minute. What do I want? Who do I want to be?" Envision your journey. Although you are still under water, at least you are swimming toward something.
Adventure/Routine Changes: this comes in many forms, including ANY new experience, endeavor, or creative outlet. Depending on your personality, this may be just as difficult as Vulnerability. However, when your limits are being tested, I also think it's a good time to remind yourself that the world can be full of wonder. Even though you FEEL like you are dead, you aren't. Starting a new workout, trying new foods every week, switching your home routine...anything...all these things... adventure adds a dimension of light on your darkest of days, which can bring you to a level of catharsis. When there is nothing else to say as you lay in bed at night, it will comfort your aching soul to say to yourself, "At least I...."
(For me, some of these changes and/or adventures included the act of making my bed every day- I’m not kidding. I know this seems small, but it brought order into my chaos- making travel plans, amping up my gym time, reading new books, and writing, writing, writing, all the time. See? Baby steps)
The slow motion, endurance-testing, soul-enveloping, heart-aching days don't last forever. They precede your rebirth into life. They close a chapter on something else. They can make you strong if you don't let them break you into pieces.
When you look around you, you will see that many people are floating, swimming furiously, flailing around, or near death in their oceans. When nothing else about your hell makes sense, know this: you now have something to offer the living dead. For me, this was/has been everything. When you awake from your nightmare, you will have the ability to stand shoulder to shoulder as a Warrior for someone else because you have been there. You've seen the ocean and survived your own imminent death. Surely, this opportunity to be a Warrior has to give you a little bit of strength to make it through another day.
The slow motion, endurance-testing, soul-enveloping, heart-aching days don't last forever. They precede your rebirth into life. They close a chapter on something else. They can make you strong if you don't let them break you into pieces.
When you look around you, you will see that many people are floating, swimming furiously, flailing around, or near death in their oceans. When nothing else about your hell makes sense, know this: you now have something to offer the living dead. For me, this was/has been everything. When you awake from your nightmare, you will have the ability to stand shoulder to shoulder as a Warrior for someone else because you have been there. You've seen the ocean and survived your own imminent death. Surely, this opportunity to be a Warrior has to give you a little bit of strength to make it through another day.
