Someone asked me this week, "So, you're gonna be 33? What's next?"
Me: "34."
This birthday snuck up on me, but I am no less excited than I usually am for my birthdays. It's not a milestone exactly, but making it through last year seems rather noteworthy to me. I've always seen birthdays as another gift from God, the opportunity for me to start over. The way people feel about New Year's Eve and New Year's Day is how I feel about my birthdays.
10 years ago today, I was one week from becoming a mother. It's hard to believe that this time next week, my little Naomi will be turning 10. Two years after she was born, I was again pregnant, on my 25th birthday, and I would become a mother of two, and be finished having children that year. The next year would be a complete blur due to the fact that Rachel never slept. So, I don't actually remember much of 25/26. I know I was 26 when I finished graduate school though. Another milestone year.
The year I turned 30 would prove to be the worst year of my life. Although, I have to admit that turning 30, in itself, was actually really cool. I felt I'd accomplished a lot by then and I was set up to reap the benefits during that decade. On my 31st birthday, I was away from the family, working at achieving my dream. Me and 47 others were being completely smoked in the middle of the woods on that hot-as-hell June day, and I remember thinking, "Wow. Worst birthday ever!" The chow hall had chocolate frozen yogurt though, so it wasn't that bad. My 32nd year was a lot of work and an extreme exercise in endurance... which brings me to 33. It's crazy to reflect back to 10 years ago today. I never imagined that 10 years later, I'd be sitting in Southern California, living the life I lead. Despite any set-backs and heartaches, I find it to be incredible.
I have high hopes for this year. I keep thinking of what Mark Twain said: "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear- not absence of fear."
He summed it up. No matter how scary the goals are, or the moment is, I'm all in. Embracing the gift of another year, the gift of life that can be taken away at any given moment, and making it matter in the universe, is a goal I have each year. This year, I pray it's full of more laughter than tears; more adventures; more love; more books; and more travel.
Goals for this year? I want to get married again. KIDDING!!
I continue to engage in the journey of deeper self discovery, knowing that it will not only benefit me, but also my girls. I embrace what Tozer wrote about the topic:
"Rules for Self Discovery:
1. What we want most;
2. What we think about most;
3. How we use our money;
4. What we do with our leisure time;
5. The company we enjoy;
6. Who and what we admire;
7. What we laugh at.”
1. What we want most;
2. What we think about most;
3. How we use our money;
4. What we do with our leisure time;
5. The company we enjoy;
6. Who and what we admire;
7. What we laugh at.”
Exploring these principles (try it! it's awesome) and studying my answers to them has been a central focus of mine this year, and will continue to be so for the year to come. Since we are ever-changing, ever-evolving beings, the answers to these phrases are ever-changing. It's amazing to read my answers to these today, as compared to my answers to similar phrases five years ago (hurray for old journals).
Specific goals: get my motorcycle license, get a motorcycle, finish all of Tozer's books and read at least five more classics, exercise paaaaatience and actually get better at it, travel up the coast to Washington on another epic camping trip with my girls, eat super clean, and get Rachel to be up and finished with breakfast in less than an hour every morning. I've got some other goals in the making, but I haven't completely hashed out the details.
Cheers to all my friends and family who read my blogs, sent birthday wishes, dined with me, and raised a glass. I feel loved
