The Invisible Woman

Throughout my 14 years as a mother, I have been repeatedly amazed at how easily Motherhood becomes a beautiful and amazing identity on its own. It has this incredible power to bring out the very best in women, giving them these deep oceans of love they would never otherwise have known could be experienced. It's difficult to find the words to describe all the beauty and love that envelops a woman when she has children. In addition to all the wonder that Motherhood brings to women's lives, there's another side, however. It's the silent, "say nothing" side. Once a woman has children, her eyes are opened to all these wonders and most women are ill-prepared for the other side of that coin. All the love, devotion, and complete dedication to her children eventually put Mom in the shadows.  Motherhood has this ability to completely take over and essentially erase everything she was before the little one(s) arrived. I have felt compelled to write about this side because I see it happen all the time and no one talks about it! It’s taboo for a woman to admit she might miss certain aspects of herself that are long gone since she became a mom. I think all moms need to be reminded that, although being Mom is ONE of your callings, it is not the ONLY calling on your life. It is not your only talent, your only love, your only offering to the universe. 

Remember your passion for painting or running or writing? What about your love of sunsets, poetry, great books or movies, or live music? What about your silliness, love for beer, wine, good whiskey, or baking? These talents, hobbies, and fascinations do not need to conform to the confines of Motherhood, where they can only be enjoyed in such a way that they compliment your role as a mother. Actually, I believe they need to continue to be their own beautiful and amazing beings within you. They are lives of their own. Sure, your talents and hobbies can be used to benefit your family, but I am a firm believer in developing and indulging these facets of ourselves outside our roles as mothers and/or wives. 

Making the time whenever possible to reconnect with yourself does not make you a bad mother. It makes you an incredible mother. It recenters and refocuses you in ways that nothing else can because it brings you back to who you are and the Self you have known most intimately your entire life. It causes you to reflect and develop in important ways that your role as a mother could never challenge. One of the most important things that maintaining your Pre-Mom passions does is allow you to remain visible to yourself. 

 

Women who become invisible to themselves are much more likely to become invisible to others--namely their partners. If you can’t see you, how can your partner? If you are lost in the eternal loop of eat, sleep, care for children, repeat, how do you think that will effect your partner and, ultimately, your children? But, I digress and need to refocus: how will the Mommy Loop effect you? How does it effect you? When is the last time you felt truly accomplished? When is the last time you felt your passion like fire and it caused your heart to pound with anticipation? When is the last time you set yourself apart from one role and stepped into another? When is the last time you went to bed at night feeling and seeing the full beauty of your soul? 

 
Full-time focus on children and family is insufficient to sustain the deep heart of a woman. We need more. The reason is because we are MORE than mothers. We are more than wives.

We are friends, artists, atheletes, musicians, dancers, singers, creators, daughters, professionals, and dreamers. We are talent, love, empathy, listening ears, hilarious jokesters, and brilliant problem solvers. All these compartments of our souls contribute to our roles as mothers and partners. They bring color to a world where all our roles converge, and are used to enhance the lives of our families. If you are not setting aside time to remain visible, to develop and adore and challenge yourself, your family is missing out. Then one day when your little ones fly away, you will be left looking in their mirror and wondering who the woman staring back is. 

 

My mother once told me that I was like a prism, full of colors and lights and angles. I never forgot that, and I’ve used it to refocus myself throughout my years as a mother. Yes, I am their mother and I am his wife, and they are my world...but my world is a big place, full of colors and shapes and angles that reflect from my soul. There is more to me than them.  

It’s not just me, ladies. You, too, are like prisms. 

 

Stay bright.